The Used
by Simirit Lyons
Summary: They've been discarded, thrown out. They are your brain activity during REM. Afterthoughts. The lint on your sweater. Old, forgotten cigarette ash. They see but aren't seen. Speak but are not heard. They ache. They bleed. Desire. They are the used.


**Author's Note:** Okay, so I wrote this a few months ago (August?) and my original plan was to have this be a three-part series. And then I went away to school and I haven't watched Teen Titans at all. I've seen, like, two episodes from the new season. I will not be watching any new ones until I come home (in like, two weeks). So, therefore, I don't think I'll be continuing this any time soon. I'm just warning you. And depending on how this goes, I'm not sure if I'll continue at all. But please, don't let that discourage you from reading. If I do continue, I'll stick to my original (awesome, kickass plan) of three parts.

_The Used_

_**part one**_

Raven's eyes opened when she heard the bright and enthusiastic, but still modest, knock on her door that so perfectly described Starfire. Surprisingly, she found herself relieved that someone had come to her room and quickly moved to get out of bed.

And then the pain came, the sharp pain from between her legs. She cried out in shock and stumbled, hitting the floor.

The door, which had already been in the process of being opened, sprang open when Starfire heard Raven cry out.

"Raven!" exclaimed Starfire. She rushed to help her friend, but Raven would not have it, brushing her off and assuring her that she was fine. "But you are not fine," said Starfire. She pointed. "Look."

Raven, now standing, looked down to see the dried blood that had soaked through her pajama pants from between her legs. Quickly, she thought of an excuse. "This is normal. It happens every month."

Starfire tipped her head to the side in unsure question. "Why?"

"Because," said Raven. "It happens to females whose bodies are ready to get pregnant," said Raven, explaining it very simply. "It's a cycle called a period." Her mind went away for a moment, thinking dark thoughts. Dark thoughts that she normally tried to forget about during the day. Dark thoughts that caused her father's laughter to erupt loudly somewhere in the recesses of her mind.

Her head began to throb and she put a hand on her temple, cringing.

"Are you in pain?" asked Starfire. "Is this part of "a period"?"

"For some," said Raven, attempting to ignore the pain.

Starfire looked on, concerned. "Well, we Tamaranians do not have them, but I do understand what they are for. We have cycles of our own. Should I bring you some tea?"

Raven, who thought to say no, decided not to decline the offer entirely. The corners of her mouth turned slightly upward at Starfire's never ending will to serve. "Could you just have it waiting for me? I just want to clean myself up." She sounded a bit unsure; Raven did not usually make requests, even ones as small as the one that she had just made.

Grinning, Starfire nodded in agreement, "Certainly," and bounced out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Wiping the sweat that had formed on her brow, Raven tentatively sat on her bed and carefully positioned herself in such a way that did not pain her. She looked down at the dried blood. It was real, very real. And that scared her.

For the first time in her life, Raven could say that she was utterly and completely outright damn scared. She was damn scared. Scared; she had felt scared before. Once, her mind had been so scared that it unleashed the monsters from a horror movie into the Tower just to let her know how scared she actually was. But this time, she was damn scared.

And Raven did not get damn scared.

This kind of scared was on a whole different level, one that relished in countless different possibilities. It was new to Raven; foreign. And she didn't like it.

What was worse, she did not know what to do about it. She couldn't just embrace it because this was not the kind of monster that would go away once she faced her fear. This was the worst monster that she had ever faced. This was her father.

Raven had always been able to keep him under wraps. She had always faced him, refusing to go down without a fight. But this time, she was damn scared. She didn't know what to do. She feared that she was losing control, but she could not let that happen. If she lost control, he would win.

_I _will_ win,_ he had told her last night. _And I'll take over._

No. He could not take over.

That was why she had felt relief when Starfire had come. She had brought hope into the prison that was her room. She had made Raven smile, even if it was the tiniest of smiles. She brought a sense of normalcy.

Sighing, Raven stood. That's all she wanted to be for once. Normal.

After showering, she entered the kitchen, tentatively. Trying to be as discreet as possible, she looked for any sign of Starfire telling the boys what she had seen. There was tension between Cyborg and Beast Boy, as if they had just been arguing, and Robin was calmly reading the paper.

No weird looks.

No awkward glances.

Normal.

_Yes._

"Hey Raven," Robin absentmindedly greeted from over his newspaper. "I would say good morning, but it's like, four pm. Rough night?"

"Uh...yeah...you could say that," answered Raven.

She quietly took the tea that Starfire held out to her, nodding her thanks. Taking a sip, she cried out when the scalding liquid burned her tongue. The sensation of the heat on her tongue did not just burn her, but it presented itself as an annoyance. Actually, it was quite a bit more than an annoyance. It made her angry. Very angry.

In a moment's time, she had thrown the teacup to the ground where it smashed to pieces. "_Dammit_, Starfire! What the _hell _are you trying to do to me? Why didn't you tell me that it was hot?" she barked without even realizing it.

Starfire merely looked back at her, eyes wide and glistening. "I-I thought that you would know from the heat of the cup—"

"_I thought you would know from the heat of the cup," _mimicked Raven in an overly high pitched voice. "Instead of trying so hard to be so damn _cheery_ all the time, why don't you work at doing something right, like telling me if my tea is hot so I don't burn my fucking tongue off—"

"Don't talk to her like that," Robin said defensively. He was offended by what Raven had said to Starfire. His paper now lay flat on the table and he was ready to defend Starfire once again if need be.

"Yeah, Rae, ease up," said Cyborg. "It was an accident; it wasn't her fault." He scrutinized Raven, wondering what was up with her. She wasn't being herself. "No need to be so harsh."

Raven looked at Robin's upset expression and Cyborg's puzzled one. And then she heard Starfire sniffle. That was it. That was what brought her back. Wherever it was she had gone, she was back now. She had regained control. She had slipped for a moment, but only a moment and she had regained control.

Ha, she thought, silently jeering at her father. Can't get me.

"I am truly sorry, Raven," said Starfire. Raven could see that she was genuine as she tried to swallow her tears. "You are right; I should have warned you—"

"Don't apologize," interrupted Robin. "You shouldn't be apologizing. Raven should." He looked at her, expectantly.

Sighing heavily, Raven nodded. "He's right. Don't apologize, Starfire. I..."

_Lost control._

_No._

"I'm not myself. I'm sorry."

Starfire's eyes widened, inquisitive. "Is this part of the period cycle that you are experiencing? Short temper?"

"_Oh..."_ said Cyborg, in discovery. "So _that's_ why...I mean..."

Raven glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "That's why _what,_ Cyborg?"

Uneasily, he rubbed the back of his head and tried to look at anything but her. "Nothing, Rae. Nothing—I just meant—the way you were acting—"

"Say it," said Raven. "I know how I was acting. Go ahead and say it for everyone!"

And with that, Robin's newspaper exploded, providing the finale to Raven's little outburst. The Titans were slow to expose their faces from behind the shields that their arms had made. As the confetti fell about them, they all stayed rooted in position, not daring to move. Or breathe.

Raven, realizing that she had lost control once again, struggled to keep her face unreadable. She did not want her friends to see that, like them, she was surprised. She hadn't meant for it to happen. She hadn't calculated, thought ahead, _or_ planned it.

It had been out of her control.

The laughter began again. The laughter that only she could hear. The laughter that grew louder and louder, pounding in her ears. The laughter that brought pain along with it. When her head began to throb, Raven cringed and closed her eyes, gripping the counter.

"You okay, Rae?" asked Beast Boy. He had not spoken at all up until that point and concern dripped from his voice.

No, she was not okay. The pain was sharp and consistent. It felt like someone was stabbing her temple over and over. And the laughter only got louder.

Around them, several light bulbs began exploding, one after another. She heard only their cries of surprise before she ran off. She did not feel safe in her room anymore, but it was the only place that she could go. It was the only place where her friends were safe from her. And her father.

----------

It was weird. Since Terra, Beast Boy had gone out of his way to block out all feeling. He cared about his friends, of course, but did not show them.

He no longer laughed with Robin, but only watched him in silent jealousy. It wasn't fair. Robin was perfect. His heart had never been broken. He had never been walked all over or used.

Cyborg. No to videogames. No to paling around. Yes to arguments. He found the most trivial things to argue about with Cyborg. Sometimes, they were barely on speaking terms. And he _hated_ when Cyborg tried to comfort him about the Terra situation. _He_ hadn't been used. How the hell would he be a comfort?

Starfire's cute, little antics were no longer amusing to him. In fact, they angered him at times. She was always so..._happy._ He envied her, just as he envied Robin. She was pure; untouched. She did not know pain or betrayal. She had never been used.

And then there was Raven, whose voice echoed in his head the night that Terra had betrayed him, betrayed them all. She had been right all along. Terra could not be trusted. She could never be trusted. She had been using him all along, and he had bought into it so easily...and Raven had been right all along.

So why now, all of a sudden, was he finding himself caring again? Why had he been so worried about Raven that afternoon? Why had he walked past her room several times in the middle of the night?

He knew, from the very moment that she walked into the kitchen that afternoon, that something was not right. She _felt_ different. He'd always found himself able to feel her. Maybe the power of her mind allowed this. This time, however, was not the same. The consistent feeling that she emitted was not there, but had been replaced by something else. He had not known what it was, but he knew that something was up with her.

So he watched her every move, her every glance, in an attempt to discover something—anything. And when she had broken the teacup and begun to yelling at Starfire, he caught a glimpse of her eyes. They too had changed. He thought that he had not seen properly, so he took another look and his thoughts were confirmed. If he had to describe them, he would say that they were black. Not in the literal sense, but in a sense that somehow, _she_ was not there. _She _had not been the one to smash the teacup _or _reprimand Starfire.

She was missing.

Of course, she came back. She came back for an apology, but the feeling that she normally gave off was not back with it. It still told him that something was not right. And when she had bowed her head in pain while the kitchen light bulbs exploded all around them, he knew that she was losing control. He did not know how, but he knew for certain.

What he didn't know for certain was why he was standing in front of her door at three am. After she ran off, he had watched the others run after her, only to find that she had locked herself in her room and refused to come out. He was worried and had been ever since.

He wanted to talk to her, find out what was going on. She tried to put on a front, but he knew. He knew that she wasn't heartless and cold, like she tried to appear. Ever since he had entered her magic mirror, he had known. It had displayed sides of her that she was afraid to show, _couldn't_ show, for fear of losing control.

But the fact of the matter was that he knew that those feelings were there. They existed. He knew that she could be happy, and sad, and even lonely. He knew that she could feel uncertainty and timidity. He even knew that at one point, she had been worried that he didn't like her.

He didn't know what he wanted exactly. Maybe just to look at her? A little check up. A peek was all he needed. Just to see if she was alright. Just to settle the unnerving feeling that she had created for him that morning.

Finding that the door was still locked, Beast Boy quickly changed into an ant and marched under the door, feeling a moment of victory when he changed back on the other side. He had done it; in a sense, he had broken into Raven's room. And no one went into Raven's room.

A bit overwhelmed by the amount of light around him, he momentarily shielded his eyes. There were candles everywhere, on every available surface. Their light created an eerie glow, giving the room the effect that it needed to be labeled "creepy," while exaggerated shadow monsters played on the wall. They danced for Beast Boy, laughed even. They told him to go back; he did not belong there. In fact, it was better for him to leave while he could. Safer.

Ignoring the wall people, his eyes fell on what he had come for.

**End Note:** So...this is just a glimpse into what is to come. Please, stay tuned. And all comments/constructive criticism is welcome. Thank you.


End file.
